Let these funny Calm Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.”, “Life moves pretty fast. Most of us easily get demotivated in hard times and super excited in good times. Try to overcome it, and you will always pass flawlessly through the rollercoaster of life.”, 21. It is very interesting and helpful quotes and I think these are life changing quotes. Perhaps yours is watching television.”, “The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. “Everything in future depends whether you take a decision to cool mind or take one with a cool mind.”, 2. So far, so good.”, “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”, “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”, “You can’t have everything. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”, “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”, “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”, “Never have more children than you have car windows.”, “I drink to make other people more interesting.”, “Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.”, “You’re only as good as your last haircut.”, “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”, “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”, “I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”, “The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”, “Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.”, “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.”, “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”, “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. I will love you until death, and then some. There is something unfair about its use. Life can be unpredictable and overwhelming. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.” They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”, “To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.”, “Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”, “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”, “There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”, “Don’t cry because it’s over. I feel ten years older already.”, “I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”, “I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.”, “It’s just a job. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”, “Be careful about reading health books. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”, “The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.”, “When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.”, “As you get older three things happen. Thank you so much for all the jokes! There is no cure for curiosity.”, “Never doubt the courage of the French. “Patience is the ability to understand the difference between the worst future scenarios of mind and actual reality.”, 28. Fortunately, I love money.”, “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.”, “When we talk to God, we’re praying. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”, “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”, “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”, “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”, “Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”, “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”, “As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”, “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”, “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”, “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”, “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”, “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. Thanks! Calm Down With These Funny Keep Calm Quotes. A site designed to inspire you to grow, achieve success, stay well, and live an abundant life. Updated on January 8, 2020. We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. Then quit. Funny Stress Sayings and Quotes. I read all of these they are so funny I can’t even stop laughing at all of these. They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”, “God is at home, it’s we who have gone out for a walk.”, “In the past 10,000 years, humans have devised roughly 100,000 religions based on roughly 2,500 gods. 48. Thanks! These keep calm quotes are available for everyone to share their inner feelings with their family and friends . “In every circumstance, keep calm.” —Lailah Gifty Akita. Smile because it happened.”, “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”, “An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.”, “Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Anger Issues If you get angry easily, … Keep calm. “Stop controlling every situation of your life; Otherwise, it exhausts your mind, and make things more complex. Keep Calm Posters Keep Calm Quotes Quotes To Live By Me Quotes Funny Quotes Family Motto Keep Calm Signs Keep Calm Carry On A State Of Trance flack2flack Needed to procrastinate for a few minutes while Photoshopping, so this is the result. Quotation Keep Calm Quotes and Sayings to make you feel better. Keep Inspiring Me. Instead of flipping out, keep cool with the collection of wise and humorous quotes on keeping calm below “ To get you in the summer beach spirit I’ve rounded up 117 of the best beach quotes. Peace Calm Words Of Wisdom Keep Calm Posters Calm Quotes Inspirational Quotes Words Peace And '”, “My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. I have erased this line.”, “What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.”, “Always borrow money from a pessimist. “Mediocre concentrate on noise around them; while wise appreciate the silence in it.”, Recommended: 20 Funny Inspirational Quotes About Life and Happiness, 27. '”, “The world is a globe. ... Now keep calm and grab a cold beverage. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”, “A man in love is incomplete until he has married. “Calm people treat everybody with the same kindness because they don’t get carried away by anger, jealousy, and hatred that generates in mind.”, 16. I’m barely for me.”, “Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.”, “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! The best way involves laughter, which is why there are so many silly quotes about anger that will help you relax. these quotes are awesome, thanks for collecting them all. Panic and worry may give the impression of taking action, but the reality is they aren’t much help actually solving the issue. Looking forward for such more quotes! Very nice collections of quotes I liked it very much so thanks for sharing very positive motivational quotes and keep posting. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”, “We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.”, “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”, “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”, “Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Dirty Sexy Quotes, Sayings and Images. Depression is when you lose yours.”, “Have no fear of perfection. We’ve got you covered…eval(ez_write_tag([[300,250],'keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-3','ezslot_3',182,'0','0'])); We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. Laughable one-liners and phrases for status updates. “Everybody has a state of stillness in mind, but very few acknowledge it and become free of distress in life.”, 34. If you are looking for Keep Calm Quotes collection. “When you wish to feel more positive, you can decide to be calm and direct your thoughts.” – Julia Hidy. All Rights Reserved. Life can be unpredictable and overwhelming. Then you are on the best website of quotes. “Anger and frustration are the fruits of the insecurities of the mind; work on them, and you will find the real peace in life.”, 13. Mark Twain. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”, “Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?”, “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”, “I’ve come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. It burns a lot of calories.”, “Avoid fruits and nuts. These short beach quotes cover everything from funny beach quotes to inspirational summer quotes. StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and status updates. And laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. Contact Author. Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”, “I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.”, “The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.”, “Children today are tyrants. But lets be honest they trash the house, drink all the milk in the place, cry the place down all night and anyway…they smell ! “A calm person chooses compassion over hatred, thinks about others than only himself, and acts only to create and not to destruct.”, Also watch: Top 10 Buddha Quotes to bring peace in life [Calming]. Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. Thanks for the great selection of quotes, I needed to find my sense of humor after losing it. We’re rarely aware of the bullets we dodge. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.”, “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”, “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”, “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”, “I intend to live forever. And laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. You may die of a misprint.”, “Clothes make the man. This cup is expensive! “Silence has the power to solve most problems in your life; you just have to embrace it.”, try{window._mNHandle.queue.push(function(){window._mNDetails.loadTag("261524837","300x250","261524837");});} catch(error){}, 9. Learn how your comment data is processed. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”, “If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.”, “I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”, “The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”, “All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.”, “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”, “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”, “We’re all a little weird. A large and ever-growing collection of witty and funny "Keep calm" quotes. If you are looking for Keep Calm Quotes collection. ~Brian Tracy Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let … “Hating others is the ability to first destroy your peace of mind; and letting the thoughts about the person control your mind.”, 31. So many good ones to choose from for a party ! 13.) I should have asked for a jury.”, “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”, “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”, “A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.”, “The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”, “It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.”, “It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.”, “Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.”, “Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”, “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”, “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”, “If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.”, “You tried your best and you failed miserably. It looks fun.”, “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? We collected all the keep calm... Read more. “The whole problem arises when we try to control the mind and not understand it.”, 14. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”, “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”, “How many people here have telekenetic powers? And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both.”, “According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”, “I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. “The ability to stay calm and focused in the midst of change is what distinguishes great … So the only difference between myself and the believers is that I am skeptical of 2,500 gods whereas they are skeptical of 2,499 gods. Things are gonna be fine. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”, “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”, “If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.”, “Folks, I don’t trust children. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”, “It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”, “Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.”, “I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”, “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.”, “I hate women because they always know where things are.”, “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”, “Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.”, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. You are what you eat.”, “The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.”, “Americans are incredibly inpatient. Admin June 17, 2020. “Comparison with others is the root cause of most of the miseries in life. Where would you put it?”, “When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what? … Really it was too funny quotes for make me laugh. StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and status updates. like anyone else, I love babies…..coochee coo…gorgeous ! Recent Quotes. 40 Calm Quotes to Bring Peace in Life. I beat people up.”, “God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.”, “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.”, “It’s always darkest before the dawn. Nothing lasts permanently in this world.”, 3. It is, on the contrary, an element calm and deep. In the midst of divided interests - certainty. I’m not the best but I’m trying my best. I like to see you smiling but only when my camera is on! Keep Calm Sayings and Quotes. CALM IN CHAOS In the midst of the flurry - clarity. Laughter and life truths- a rare delicacy! For many Americans, especially women, people of color, and LGBTQ people, the days since then have been a difficult time, so we could all use a few historical quotes to calm … Recommended: 20 Funny Inspirational Quotes About Life and Happiness. It looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities alone. Jul 7, 2019 - Explore Stephanie's board "calm quotes" on Pinterest. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.”, “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”, “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”, “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”, “Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!”, “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”, “I was married by a judge. “How can you get a calm day, when the calmness doesn’t exist inside you?”, 26. “Keep calm, you may feel weak but God is strong.” —Unknown. 27. “How you can sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this horrible trouble, I can’t make out. He won’t expect it back.”, “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”, “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”, “I can resist everything except temptation.”, “I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. We don't like that” ― Chelsea Handler, Life Will Be the Death of Me:... and You Too! “Sometimes letting things go opens new doors of opportunity; just relax, and have the calmness to spot them.”, 29. Quincy is KIM's lead editor and content writer, and has invested in online properties since 2009. Thanks for all those hilarious quotes. “Your calmness has the power to give you freedom from all the miseries and faults of the mind.”, 12. If I want to calm down, I'll buy some fabric, get a pattern, shut myself in a room and stay there for days, really happy. You made my day! Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links. “Accept that you can never be happy or sad permanently, and you will detach from both of it to achieve calmness.”, 8. I’m sure you’ll find a beach quote that you’ll love! If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”, “The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.”, “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.”, “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”, “Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”, “The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.”, “The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.”, “The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”, “True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”, “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.